I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
