I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize