So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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