When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
