I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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