I hate all girls vehemently.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
