wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
