just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
