Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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