i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
