I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i think im in europe. pls send help
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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