dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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