I feel like I'm in dance class right now
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
