he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
