whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
