her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
