Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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