he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
