i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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