At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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