i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
