I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
