I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have feelings that need drinking.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
