So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
