I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
