the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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