Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
