In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
