What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
