someone get that fucking seahorse.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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