You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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