You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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