So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
