I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize