when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
