What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Small penises have feelings too.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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