i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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