her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
