i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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