No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just had sex bonerless
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
