He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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