well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
