thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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