people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
