I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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