You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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