I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
