apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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