i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
