Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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