Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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