what day is it and did you see me today?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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