I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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