I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think my moral compass just broke
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
