I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What a dumb baby whore.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
false alarm, still single
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
