I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
