Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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