Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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