just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
