Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
