Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
