I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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