i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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