only if we run a train.
done.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
