saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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