he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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