Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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